Learn to detach. Detach yourself from the experience, they say. Do not cling to things because everything is impermanent.
But wait, aren’t we always talking about experiencing life? The good emotions, all the bad ones?
Well, how can you do that if you are detached?
Detachment does not mean do not let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate fully, just enough for you to let it go.
Take any emotion—love for a person, the grief of a loved one, be it the fear and pain of something not in your control. If you hold back on these emotions, do not let yourself go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you are just too busy being afraid. You are afraid of the pain, afraid of the grief, afraid of the vulnerability that loving contains.
But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them the way they are meant to be experienced.
You feel what love is, you know how to go through your pain and recover, how to feel the grief and heal, how constructive or destructive your anger is and can be.
And only then you can say ‘All right, I have experienced that emotion, I recognize it and now I need to detach myself just for a moment.’
Feeling emotions and letting them out will not at all make you any less strong. Holding back tears just because it makes you look weak and vulnerable (it doesn’t by the way), or not expressing your love to your loved ones because people think that’s not appropriate (just say I love you to your parents or spouse quickly), is just killing your emotions for no good.
Turn on the faucet, let emotions out as your heart wishes. It will only help.
Even if you feel loneliness, just let it be, let the tears flow, feel it completely— but eventually be able to say ‘All right, that was my moment with loneliness, but now I am going to put that loneliness aside and feel every other emotion in the world to my full extent.’
It is the art of embracing the feelings the heart is supposed to feel and detaching just to fully experience.
A wise man once said:
You will not be able to enjoy happiness if you don’t taste sadness and anger.
A letter from Tajwar Naqvi.